Chinese Fur Trade

WARNING! EXTREMELY DISTURBING VIDEO

Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org.

Held A Hooker Hostage

Well this was about 4 months ago. I have never told anyone aside from a few friends about this but I guess this is the right blog to post something like this on. It was about 3am and I was in my condo which is right off the water in Santa Monica on Ocean. I was bored so started looking at the W4M section on craigslist. I find this gorgeous hispanic girl. She says she wanted 300 Roses and I brought up the challenges of the economy we are all enduring and got her to lower her number to 200 Roses. So she comes over, her bouncer by her side. This is NOT the girl from the posting. I ask her bouncer to wait outside and he does so. She comes in, and after she takes the 200 from my desk she then says "where should I strip?" I then say, you aren't here to strip and on top of that you aren't the person from the posting. She tries to leave with my Roses and I stop her at the door and for about 30 minutes I wont let her out because she is robbing me and wont give me back what's mine. Mean while, her bouncer is pounding on my door. End result 9 officers show up at my place and all I can say is, THANK GOD I knew the cousin of one of the officers :) So long story short, I got my money back, the girl and her bouncer were told to leave, and I told one of the officers to please say hi to his cousin, my friend, for me and to have a great night! Only in LA!!!!!

-Anonymous

uuuooogghh!!

I still cannot breathe. I went to a place called the Heart Attack Grill and ate this. My girl friend had to get up from the table and leave cause she was about to vomit. She even took this picture with her camera from the bar stools. I am shocked I was able to make it as far as I did. I don't think I know anyone who could eat this. At least not in one sitting. 3 hours later and I cannot even imagine eating anything else for at least a week.

-Nathan

$3000 Even

Well my friend and I went to Costco to buy some new things for himself and his new apartment he is moving into. He needed my car cause his was too small but we ended up getting literally a LCD TV, a computer, hard-drives, ab machines, a mattress, 2 dvd players, food, shit for the bathroom, more than you can imagine. Our tab came out to EXACTLY $3000.00. Literally to the penny. Even the cashier couldn't believe her eyes.

-Sirag

2 In The Pink, 1 in the....

-Cameron

Plastic Boyfriend

So I’m sitting on my futon, watching TV with my friend. My roommate is in bed, lofted above us. We can hear her on the phone with her boyfriend (a male ballet dancer). The conversation is the typical seedy crap - “I miss you”, “I miss you more”, whatever. It’s easy for us to drown her out and pay attention to Nicole Richie on the screen when out of nowhere, my roommate hangs her hand over the edge of her bed, dangling a massive, black plastic penis in our faces and asks “do you guys mind?”. Pardon? There were no words. It was as if she’d shoved “Mr. T” in my mouth and choked me on it. My roommate, being socially retarded, didn’t even notice our shock. She just filled the silence by saying “it’s been a while, don’t mind me! Just let me know if you can’t hear your show”. Really? Because I’m pretty it wouldn’t have been a big deal to ask us to leave for a minute. So here I am, watching the Simple Life with just two feet separating myself and the virtual pleasure palace above. But now, she’s getting started. I can’t leave, that would just make it awkward. I’m trapped. To make things worse, my roommate can’t do two things at once – she has to put her phone on speaker so she can get situated. This is what Hell must be like. Her boyfriend is on the line, getting her in the mood with euphemisms about her “flower” and other wildly inappropriate references to the human anatomy. I understand that we’re from a generation of sexual revolutionaries where it is socially acceptable to discuss our private lives in a very casual manner, but talking and doing are very different things. I don’t think it will ever be okay to pleasure yourself in a room of non-paying customers. My head is buried in a pillow, muffling my laughter/ shrieks, but I don’t think my roommate would have been able to hear me. It sounded like something I’d seen on Shark Week up there – thrashing, groaning, and splashing? Nasty. The only buffer between the futon and the loft was the gentle humming of her plastic boyfriend. The upside to this (I know, right?) is that it really has been a while, so it doesn’t take Romeo and Juliet but just a few minutes to finish their phone conference. Well that’s weird – they don’t even cuddle after. Just a quick “love you, call me tomorrow” and they’re off the phone. I feel used. My roommate dismounts from the loft, toy in hand, and does a naked waltz into the bathroom to “freshen up” (her exact words). Never in my life. I need a cigarette.

-joanna

Girl Pees In Fridge

Oh this will be good. Ok, we were in college, went to a friends for after hours as usual and a wasted college girl basically blacked out, went into the kitchen, opened the fridge pulled out the vegetable drawer and then pulled down her pants and started peeing in it... I was in the back room and this frat boy came running through the apartment screaming ' duuuude this chick just pissed in the fridge' it was like something out of American pie and then the guy who's place it was dragged her and put her outside and locked her out. She was knocking on the door for like 20mins being like 'guys what did I do, let me in'. She wasn't seen round campus for like a month and nobody was ever sure if those boys ever did clean that fridge...

Is that shocking enough?! I think I'm pretty unshockable!!!

-Jessica